


From the depths of this ocean

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Canon, Episode Related, Season/Series 02
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-04-15
Updated: 2006-04-15
Packaged: 2018-12-27 05:12:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12074193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: "from the depths of this ocean" is a letter written by our beloved Brian Kinney, in a moment of weakness. Brian is truly sorry for peeing over Justin's and Michael's work, and he feels obligated to write down a letter... from the depths of his heart.





	From the depths of this ocean

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

  
Author's notes: "From the depths of this ocean" is a letter written by Brian Kinney, to Justin. This is related to Season 2, Episode 15, where Brian peed over Justin's and Michael's work. In this letter, Brian apologizes... from the depths of this ocean (that means: his heart!)  


* * *

**Dear Justin,**

  
You're probably awake by now, standing astonished in the living room, trying to digest what you are seeing there_ right before your deep blue eyes. I bet you're having a slight clue of who is the one responsible for all of this. And having your Drama Queen moment, tossing pillows and better yet, breaking up the wine bottles and glasses. Don't let me put any ideas into your blond little head, do you hear me? All I am asking is for you to read this carefully, with much patience and tolerance required for I shall provide you with rather rational explanation to the situation. 

  
You probably wished it was all just a nightmare, and that you did not just work your fucking ass of for nothing. I know you must be walking back and forth, trying to convince yourself this is nothing but a minor crisis and your work isn't just now sprawled all over the loft, your investment gone for nothing. Let me be the one to say this is no nightmare but before you get out of the loft to look after me so you could do whatever the hell you wish to be doing, let me explain, the best that I can, the reasons to this stupid, childish act of mine:

  
When I came back from Babylon last night, I saw you lying with Michael on OUR bed. His hand was all over your hips and just the sight of you two in the same bed, better yet: MY bed freaked me out. I was going crazy, my mind swimming with thoughts. Evil thoughts... I swear I could have done just about anything to Michael at that moment; however, I chose to let my anger out on something else rather than my best friend in the whole white world.

  
Seeing you together had broke something deep inside me and I couldn't get my head to function, or stop thinking about the image of you two, lying ever so sated on OUR holly bed. I know. I am an ass. Nothing I can say can make you feel better at the moment. I also know I have a special talent of saying all the wrong things to the right person, that I continuously hurt you by acting the way that I do. But you have known me far too long and damn too well. You know I have always been an asshole and always will be one. You knew it all along.

  
I know you didn't actually DO something you shouldn't have done. I know you don't find Michael as attractive or nearly as HOT looking as I am, I know you would never replace me for shit, just as much as no one could ever replace you. I just get so fucking crazy when I see you with another man, especially if that man might just be my best friend. I already know that you love me and I have nothing to be jealous about. I know you are faithful but that does not enough to keep my shaky hands from unzipping my jeans and peeing over your piece of work. I know that was a shitty thing of me to do and for that I am sorry. Yes, you are witnessing it. Brian Kinney saying "sorry" and I mean it. This time it ain't BULLSHIT. It's honest and even more than that, required. Needed. I don't want you to hate me or think I have no respect for your drawings.

  
I know you have worked hard, and Mikey did too but last night I didn't think of all the work you have put into it and what the results of my actions might be. All I thought about is one way to let it all out: All the anger I had inside of me, the fury waiting to be released.

  
Yesterday I came back with two men and was about to wake you up and come play with us. We could have had such a good time. However, you were asleep and looked so fucking peaceful by Michael's side that I decided to let you sleep and don't bother you. Not only that, I also told the two men I had just a minute before panting and craving for more, to get the hell out. Yeah, I did. I suppressed my needs, the fact I was rock-hard and dying for some relief. 

  
I gave up my entire evening entertainment for YOU. Didn't feel like doing it with you being in the next room, sleeping. And I know it was just that... sleeping. I can see it now but right then, in that moment I couldn't. All I saw through my eyes was two men sleeping on a bed but in my mind I saw my boyfriend with my best friend. Why the hell did you let him stay the night? Fuck it! It doesn't matter now... I am the one who should be explaining his actions, certainly not you.

  
What also didn't help much was the fact you fell asleep on me while I was rimming your ass. Do you have any reasonable, reliable explanation for that? I do. You were spending way too much with Michael than you were spending with me that you have completely forgotten how incredible my tongue skills are. You were exhausted Sunshine, you worked your ass for this "RAGE" book and invested all your efforts in it and now I just can't fucking look at myself in the mirror without cursing myself or feeling like a sack of shit. Well then, I brought it onto myself.

  
I couldn't be sorrier for what I have done and I swear I'll do whatever I can to make it up to you I hope that you will find your love for me once again in yourself and forgive me for what I have done. It was a complete childish act, based on irrational fears and jealousy. You see Justin, I can't help it. When I see you with another man, it drives me insane and I can't help but getting angry and frustrated. I don't want to share you and even though we have an open relationship, fuck anything_ do anything_ say nothing but what you mean, I sometimes wish we weren't that open and would have limitations and more boundaries. Knowing there is someone else you're fucking around with and having another man touching you in all those places I call "my own", all of those holly places I'll live to cherish, in all those areas in your body I was the first one to discover and freed from their virginity. This thought is simply, truly unbearable. Just thinking about it makes me raged all over again. By the way, RAGE is going to be a success.   
                                                                            _I'll make sure of it.

  
I promise to give all of your work back as it was before I peed on it and torn it apart. Now my heart is just as broken and torn apart, as your piece of art. Justin, I love you and I don't know why I did all of this. Well, actually I DO know_ it's because I am an idiot and I can never control my brutal, animalistic behavior when it comes to you with someone else. It doesn't matter who it is that you're with or what exactly is it that you're doing {unless of course, it's Daphne. Then I am calm since I know you have no interest in pussies} I get crazy. I didn't like it when you were working at Babylon, shaking your ass off on the bar for everyone to see. I didn't like how you got the job in the first place- Letting the Sap suck you off. I didn't like it when you kissed your trick, against your rules and I sure as hell didn't like it when you were spending all your fucking free time with Michael, and didn't even have time left to spend with me.

  
Even we fucking had some time to be alone and do whatever it is that we always do late at night, when nobody is watching_ You fucking fall asleep on me when I touch you. Tell me, when was there ever a time you fell ASLEEP when I touched you? Ever! Couldn't been more accurate. You always shuddered to the sensation of my hands sliding down your body but this time you just let a yawn come out of your mouth. Do you realize how fucking insulting this is? Can you at least try and understand my point of view here? 

  
Earlier I couldn't accept the fact I was jealous.

  
It was only after talking to Debbie that I knew I was. She told me I must be feeling left out, being put aside and when I showed her the drawing of me, your RAGE; she told me that this only shows I have no reason to, because I am your hero. Well, I don't know whether or not heroes pee on works of fine art, especially as fine as this, but I have found the strength to ask for your forgiveness. I hope you'll find your strength to believe my word and forgive.   
**_For truth must be said. Brian._**  
 


End file.
